The Confusing Road to Unemployment

newj

Gang stalking includes sabotaging your work at work, spreading false rumors, bullying, and trying to convince your employer to fire you. Usually these are full-time bullies who get a thrill from trying to destroy a persons life.

randomRight after calling Ben out on being the other “n-word,” remember how I’d applied to, was (verbally) offered and accepted that job transfer within the Federal Government to a new agency? I’d been with my current agency for 12 years and I’d done quite well there as a HIV RN Nurse Specialist. I was loved by my patients more than anything, and loved by my colleagues, as well. But it was my patients who couldn’t seem to get enough of me, and that’s what I loved most about working there. My patients would often return annually for follow-up visits, and no matter where I’d moved to job-wise on the massive medical campus, they always managed to find me just to say hello and give me a hug.

Work-wise, I experienced great success; my last boss, who was a ball-buster, described me as being “meticulous,” even saying she wished she could “clone” me. I received promotion after promotion, quickly reaching the GS-13 level on the pay-scale, doing unexpectedly well for myself financially at my age. But after 12 years at the same place, with my daily commute tripling in duration to and from work, I desired a change in scenery and a new chapter in my life.

155629636445894609

155629636445894609Right after I first angered Ben was when they offered me the job transfer only to claim they lost all record of me in their system. What?!?!? Everything was submitted electronically so how that happened left me baffled. Nonetheless, I carried on with my life, slightly disappointed but never considering it nefarious.

One year later Ben returned in my life, and shortly after we’d become tight, I got a random email out of nowhere, addressing that job transfer like nothing had been lost over the course of the last year. While strange, I didn’t ask any questions, and I was quick to make the transition to what many nurses called the “land of milk and honey.” They were much more liberal, patient care wasn’t involved, and you could even work from home several days a week! Working from home… that sounded like heaven minus the work part; this gave my life a whole new meaning, this gave me time to live instead of time wasted driving hours upon hours everyday to and from work. Things couldn’t possibly be going any better for me.

greener

fcd1c1df88b055877f61dd25c2c1b3af--emotional-healing-emotional-abuseBen insisted on installing a docking station in my bedroom / computer room so I could easily plug in my work lap-top and work from home; I came home one day and found that he’d entered by himself, going so far as to build me a new computer desk and all. He brought lots more than just the docking station, I don’t know what all he brought, but I never felt anything but appreciation for his (seemingly) selfless gesture. He even hung a “BFF” (Best Friends Forever) necklace on my wall in honor of our special union; I felt so happy, I felt like life couldn’t be better. Ben would even refer to himself as my personal IT-assistant, too.

Narcissists don’t do anything that doesn’t benefit them and they don’t do favors. They didn’t buy you dinner out of the kindness of their heart… They are probably going to ask you for a world of favors afterwards. Narcissists don’t do anything without a purpose to benefit them. Giving a narcissist what they want is the last thing you want to do.

fcIf only I’d have known the truth about Narcissistic Personality Disorder back then, I’d have known Ben wasn’t one to anyone favors but himself. I’d have known that whatever he was installing in my home computer network wasn’t to help me succeed on the job, it was to ensure I failed miserably. Months own the road I’d realize my computer was being remotely accessed, my admin rights were taken away, I’d catch someone remotely deleting Ben’s emails on my ed, and my computer and everything associated was being monitored. Ben would go on to blame my computer woes on “those people” as he did with every other problem I was experiencing.

untrustHind sight is always useless, especially when dealing with a narcissist. Not to mention there’s no way your mind can sink to levels so depraved to imagine what they truly have in store for you, all the while having sex with you and talking about marriage. But this was still back when I thought the world had just gotten it wrong about narcissists and that they could co-exist in peace with non-narcissists, you just had to accommodate their needs. I was a total dumb fuck I realize now. But this was back when I believed we had inalienable rights and liberties, and that our constitution was followed and people were held strictly to it. The thought of all this happening as part of Ben’s massive smear campaign never once crossed my mind, nor did any of these random events in my life seem at all connected.

Needless to say, things at the new job didn’t go like they did at my other job, things ended in the absolute worst possible scenario imaginable, or better said, unimaginable, as nobody would ever imagine any of this was even possible. From the get go, I was hit with one incident of bad luck after the next. My first week driving in, someone ran a red light and crashed into my car, totaling it! I’d literally paid it off days before as well as putting new tires and breaks on, all that money and 5 years of car payments all to experience the job of not having a monthly car payment — BAM — quickly sucked down the drain. I ended up having to call absent from work early on as a result, and it clearly wasn’t my fault, it was just awful luck and nothing more than that. Or so I thought, I honestly don’t know what is natural and what is fake with all that’s transpired.

3a57fc94-7390-48a5-a3d6-1e53d5b450e8-collage-1

The Stasi used Zersetzung essentially as a means of psychological oppression and persecution… in an effort to undermine self-confidence and self-esteem. Operations were designed to intimidate and destabilise them by subjecting them to repeated disappointment, and to socially alienate them by interfering with and disrupting their relationships with others as in social undermining. The aim was to induce personal crises in victims, leaving them too unnerved and psychologically distressed to have the time and energy for anti-government activism. The Stasi intentionally concealed their role as mastermind of the operations.

A few days later I took out the remaining $1,000 cash I owed after having a new HVAC installed. Somehow my money disappeared completely, along with the $1,000 in it. I had no clue where this went; it either fell out of a poorly designed Banana Republic jacket or else my “friend” (who I now think was an informant) stole it. It had my license in it, too;  my mom retained my SSN card along with all my important documents because, well, she’s a slightly controlling mother that will always treat me like I’m 7 years old.  I needed it in order to get a license, they were only open during working hours, so I had to take off again in order to go to  to the DMV so I could drive legally to work. My boss was understanding.

But then over the next few days during orientation, I sat at the desk of someone who was out of office to work with my preceptor. A few days later I found myself the sickest I’ve been in my life. My mom, the former school teacher, made me feel all the more guilty by adding in her two cents:

You were just out, you cannot be out again! You need to get back in there no matter how crappy you feel.

155615219479418122

Unfortunately I felt dead, and missing work again wasn’t my choice at that point. I couldn’t even drive to the doctor the next day, instead taking Uber laying down in the back seat shaking. Thinking it might be strep, my doctor was generous and gave me a Z-pack, which ultimately did the job in a few days. My culture didn’t grow out strep, though, it grew out another random, awful bacterial infection that’s a leading killer in Africa or something: Haemophilus influenzae. I couldn’t do anything but curl up in a ball and pretend I was non-existent for several days, shaking in my bed. It turned out the absent co-worker, along with her children, had the same, exact thing.

My supervisor questioned my use of leave, saying he wasn’t buying it, that nobody had this much bad luck. He suggested I was someone to abuse leave. I had documentation for everything that I provided to my supervisor, but I got the sense early on he didn’t like me for whatever reason. It was during our discussion about me being a potential leave abuser where he looked me in the eyes and said:

I think you’re sketchy.

Well, I thought he was overweight and a jerk, but I didn’t say that to him. I was polite and did all I could to show him I wasn’t sketchy, I was honest, I was conscientious  and I was quick to reach out for help whenever I felt I needed help in any aspect of the job.

My orientation was in April and apparently a slow period; I was working with drug applications. The platform we used to do all our work was about to launch a new version, and my preceptors frequently told me:

There’s no sense in showing you how to do that now; the platform is about to change.

What they failed to recognize was that the process behind this wasn’t changing – just the interface and how to execute the task. So I failed to learn a lot of processes (the reason why something was done, as opposed to how it was technically completed), and knowing the process was essential to the job. A day or two after getting off orientation, the new platform was launched, and suddenly I felt completely overwhelmed and lost. I didn’t know how to manage the “dashboard” which is how one tracks their overall workload, which is crucial to managing one’s portfolio. I approached him in person about my concerns, which I think were valid, plus he’s my supervisor so I’d think he wanted me to succeed, but he didn’t seem to care, saying:

Everyone’s in the same boat with the new platform.

Only they all knew the procedure behind everything – whereas I did not. I wasn’t in the same boat as everyone; I was several boats behind, and so I reached out to him by email:

ww11

He never acknowledged my email.

mobbing2Soon I noticed that assignments didn’t seem appropriate. We are typically given a few (maybe 3 or so) new applications at once. Since I was the new guy and others had their portfolios full already, I was given a lot of applications in bad shape, often left behind by others who’d transferred to other divisions and left these problem children applications behind for me to try and figure out; I figured it was par for the territory given I was the newbie. But then I was assigned over 15 applications in a span of ~ 3 days; then the same happened several days later.  That meant 30 new projects, all competing for the same deadlines, due dates, meeting dates, etc… that’s not logistically possible given they all had the same basic start and end dates. I asked my supervisor if he thought this was manageable, and he brushed off my concerns. Several days later, another colleague who makes assignment  noticed this, approaching me to say he was taking several back because they weren’t manageable. My supervisor hadn’t thought twice about this – yet someone else that saw it stepped in to correct it. But my supervisor did it again in no time flat, I felt like I was doggy-paddling; the work was not difficult – but finding a way to manage all these applications that all had the same requirements at the same time-points proved to be a challenge I was getting behind, that I knew, but I was doing the best I could.

One day I became ill with what was believed to be an inguinal hernia. I was going to need to be out for surgery and told my supervisor. That’s when he mentioned to me:

I’m concerned your gonna miss some deadlines. At least from what I’ve noticed…

Why hadn’t he mentioned this to me before? Why had he waited until I was about to be out for hernia surgery to advise me of this?

I still didn’t have a solid understanding of how to read the big picture yet; so when I looked over things initially, nothing major jumped out at me. I ended up developing a large inguinal mass thought to be a hernia that September I believe (ultimately it was diagnosed as vascitis – I went to GW, Georgetown and another urologist, and nobody could figure out what it was, they’d never seen it before); but on this particular day, I thought I was going to need surgery for hernia repair. I was going to be out on leave, and it wasn’t until I really started digging through my applications that I realized I was beyond behind – I was about to have several completely miss their deadlines. While my supervisor had given me a head’s up, I was honestly surprised he didn’t take 5 minutes to show me examples and use it as a learning opportunity. That’s exactly what I would have done if I was in his position. I remember wondering to myself,

Does he want to see me fail?

It made no sense why he didn’t point a few examples out, these weren’t easy things to find either; in two instances, reviews hadn’t been done because the individuals who assigned themselves to the role of reviewer had since left the FDA. But in the end – I got everything, I didn’t miss a single deadline, and I felt blessed that I managed to figure it out on my own. But on top of that, it seemed like Brandon would frequently throw me off at work, I can’t say he did this on purpose, but it seemed like he’d wait until 9Am sharp to send me some text to throw me off.

And what makes narcissists so dangerous is that if you discover that they are a narcissist or even expose them as one they go in for the kill. They are not above lying to judges or police officers to ruin your life. Their perfect appearance must be preserved at all costs. They will get you fired from your job. They will do whatever they can to stop the truth from coming out.

He’d always send me some cryptic text or threaten to discard me at 9AM sharp, leaving me worried for the rest of the day. The below is one: I read it and I realize that to most, it’s nothing major – but when you’re with a narcissist, they say and do things (like below) that don’t make sense – and you immediately are triggered into fear that you’ve done something wrong. This is what they do to you – and what they love do – throwing you off to punish confuse you, leaving you all the more dependent on them.

ww55555

He later said it was an apology above; I’m not so sure about that, but anyway…

I remember begging him at one point to stop sending me the early AM texts, as they seemed intended to ruin my ability to perform at work. But it was something I sensed, not something I could call him out on; plus one of the reasons he’d given me for returning into my life was to see me succeed at work which, given the way things had ended, doesn’t seem to be an accurate statement. But I didn’t have the ability to see into the future at that time.

After I discovered Brandon hacking into my phone after being with me for two years, and him blaming it on the DEA Task Force that had always seemed to be inexplicably following me whenever the two of us fought, I had a complete nervous breakdown. Feeling betrayed, powerless, hopeless, frightened – these words can’t touch how I felt. It seemed like the ultimate abuse of law enforcement had taken place and instead of someone reaching out to help me – they helped my abuser instead – and made sure to go the extra mile in permanently punishing me for being observant. My life had complete imploded.

Predatory  Gangstalking is intended to deprive someone of their freedoms and rights. It destroys a person’s privacy and control of their own environments. It is intended to create distress, disrupt all relationships, deplete person’s resources, destroy one’s physical and mental health, and inflict great overall long term suffering. One of the main weapons they use for their own protection and to enable their success in gangstalking is to manipulate the target’s life in such a way as to cause them to lose their credibility with others. This is usually the first objective reached.

It was July 3 2017 when that guy hit me up online and came over.  I ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up – I’d been robbed. I could dial 911 but nothing else worked to call out from my phone – I tried calling T Mobile technical support and that wouldn’t go through either. My computer was suddenly frozen, not a page would load; I had no way to call and cancel my credit cards even. Eventually I borrowed a neighbor’s phone and contacted T Mobile – and surprisingly, someone had (I have no idea how) restricted my calling to “anytime always” minutes, meaning a select few numbers only could be dialed form my phone. How this was done – neither I nor TMobile knew. Making matters even more strange, the 1-800 number for TMobile had been changed to another number, which explained why I couldn’t call them either. This was mind-numbing and seemed beyond invasive; the guy who robbed me put $1000 on my credit cards, although this was reimbursed to me.

Because it was July 4th, due to the late arrival of the cops due to the holiday and my inability to contact my credit cards earlier, I was on the phone until 4AM. I slept through my alarm – arriving to work just a few minutes late – but when asked why – I didn’t know what else to say but the truth. My supervisor looked at me like I was the biggest liar on Earth – only I was being honest. It was days later he took away my one day a week to work from home; that was the only time I could see my therapist, too – so I had to stop going. This sucked… and my supervisor thought I was crazy and dishonest. He knew also now that I was gay, and that I’d dated a narcissist.

There were several other instances involving late-night phone hacks and other bizarre events that resulted in me arriving late to work; my boss took away my one day to work from home each week; and that was my one time a week to see my therapist which I could no longer go to; it’s not my boss’s fault about my therapy – I can’t blame him for that. But rather than punish me amidst domestic abuse and stalking which he’d been made aware of – he engaged in re-victimization and further punished me, which inadvertently impacted my mental health care dealing with these matters. He’d then immediately schedule my performance evaluations after, so he’d be reviewing my performance right after these major snafus, which honestly seemed to dominate everything else that had happened. I can’t blame him for being upset – but I’d told him I was being stalked by my ex and it was created major problems, and instead of being supportive, he just got madder and madder at me. In each instance I explained exactly what had happened but he seemed to doubt me.

Organized stalking methods were used extensively by communist East Germany’s Stasi (state police) as a means of maintaining political control over its citizens. The Stasi referred to the tactics as “Zersetzung” (German for “decomposition” or “corrosion” – a reference to the intended psychological, social, and financial effects upon the victim). An organized stalking victim is systematically isolated and harassed in a manner intended to cause sustained emotional torment while creating the least-possible amount of evidence of stalking that would be visible to others. The process is sometimes referred to as “no-touch torture.” Methods are specifically chosen for their lack of easily-captured objective evidence.

In July of 2017, there was that incident when I’d spoken to the forensics firm by phone who was interested in looking into my phone and home computer issues for free. They asked that I send them an email with all my information, the screen shots, etc… which I spent a good 4 hours working on. My email wouldn’t go through though – instead it bounced back with an error message; I tried from my phone by creating a new email account – same issue, the message bounced back. I tried from a different email account – same issue.

ccc

I sent messages to the investigator directly and also to the firm’s general Info@ email address, both resulted in error message for me. When I tried the next day from work – that bounced back also, although I didn’t use my FDA outlook, just google on my FDA computer.

ccra2

Because forensics cost a lot of money and it happened even on my work computer at lunch the next day, I thought it might be easy to figure out why this  happened by asking the FDA help desk at work to take a quick look at the error. I thought they’d be able to look at it and know if the error was legitimate or malicious. Days passed – an no explanation was given to me by the FDA help desk. I called to check up, finding out it had been escalated to the highest level there, it was being treated as highly important; nobody ever called me back about it. Several weeks later, I was contacted by a man at work who took my computer away for 2 months; he said they were going to image it and check it out. He finally brought it back, stating that everything looked fine with my work computer and that the error message I received was consistent with my email address being blocked on the recipient’s server; only they hadn’t blocked it.

ccccc

The only  way that seemed possible was if someone had been spying on my phone conversation with the forensics company that first night when they requested the email be sent. This would soon become the expected anytime I sent an email regarding this matter – only. There seemed to be no way of getting definitive answers despite this representing invasion of my privacy and my basic civil rights and liberties being intentionally deprived.

My ability to concentrate, my ability to focus, my ability to do anything outside ruminate on how Ben had garnished more power than Donald Trump ate away at my every being. I treated him so well, I tolerated his mistreatment, and he’d lied to me the entire time. He was the reason why, I believed, I’d wracked up thousands in debt hiring attorneys to accompany me to meet with this DEA Task Force yet on arrival, we never found out a thing. I began noticing other things, too: like Brandon and I would argue over email, but when I’d go back, his emails would be deleted. He’d say things like, “They sent me to look after you and Luke,” only then – the email would be gone. I spent 2 entire months convinced I’d lost my mind but after a while, the screen shots I’d take couldn’t be refuted: something very sick, sinister and evil was taking place.

These programs are designed to make the targets of this harassment vulnerable, they want to make them destitute. The secondary goals seems to be to make the target homeless, jobless, give them a breakdown, and the primary goals seems to be to drive the target to forced suicide, just like what they did with some of the targets of Cointelpro. It’s a useful way of eliminating perceived enemies of the state.

They say with organized stalking, your job is told lies about you and encouraged to have you fired; they say once you’re fired, you’re then blacklisted from ever finding work again. This is in line with the whole smear campaign concept of indirectly murdering someone without having to pull the trigger: destroying their credibility, their image, their support system, their character, and their job. Once you’ve had all that taken away from you – what else do you even have left at that point? You have nothing – which is what the narcissist aims for.

Organized stalking involves groups of people, or, loosely organized people that pick a target, and attempt to destroy the victims life in any way that they can. They attempt to scare and terrorize their target, causing anxiety and other problems. They will do whatever they can to get the target fired from their job.

It was in August that my sepervisor suggested I take some time off work to deal with my ” personal issues” that he repeatedly said “consumed me” and a day or two after when I went back to him, concurring, asking if I could use leave to establish mental health and legal support, his response was:

I don’t know how I’d implement leave for this.

At some point I referred me to the EAP who was very supportive; but other than that, he made no other recommendations, he never suggested I do anything to deal with the effects of domestic violence and stalking trickling over in the workplace. He repeatedly expressed being upset that I’d shared this matter with others – what was I supposed to do? I was being honest; and this is something beyond confusing, beyond invasive, and a group effort set out to destroy one person.

On several occasions I asked for opportunities to relearn things that were ignored; he now says he did all these things (that were my idea) like “retraining me,” but it was me sitting with 2 others for a few hours on 2 mornings maximum. He helped me follow up on the help desk ticket when I couldn’t get an answer, as well. But my supervisor – honestly – seemed to smile and enjoy being mean” to me, at times I thought he was acting and he knew it, he’d say, “I’m not joking, I’m serious.” But it seemed like he was acting in a lot of what he did and said.

In hindsight I likely shouldn’t have shared the specifics of my situation with anyone at work and just left it at domestic violence and stalking if it needed to be discussed; but my supervisor caught me off guard when I’d arrived late on a few occasions following incidences that were specifically related to the stalking issue. I’m not one to lie, I didn’t know what else to say except for the truth. He acted like I was talking nonsense. So I tried explaining Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic abuse to my supervisor, although he didn’t fully understand me, and I can’t exactly expect someone to understand covert narcissistic abuse – even the victim can’t understand it. But he seemed to suggest I was weak and that someone else can’t gain mental “control” over another unless it’s intentionally given away, which is not true, and slightly offensive to someone whose life has been destroyed by this form of abuse. But I tried educating him by sending him a few articles I thought were extremely well-written and easy to understand. But this didn’t seem to translate into sympathy or suggesting any accommodations or leave, he’d always comment that:

This issue seems to be consuming you.

Or he’d look me straight in the eyes, and say:

I feel bad about the personal experience you’re experiencing at work. But these are not reasons for your work performance to become impaired.

I’m not sure why he felt this was an issue that somehow was not intended to destroy someone’s job, when that’s precisely what it sets out to do.

Groups of people, or, loosely organized people pick a target, and attempt to destroy the victims life in any way that they can. They attempt to scare and terrorize their target, causing anxiety and other problems. They will do whatever they can to get the target fired from their job.

It’s organized, widespread, and growing. Some describe this form of harassment as, “A psychological attack that can completely destroy a persons life, while leaving little or no evidence to incriminate the perpetrators. The goal is to sensitize the target to a stimuli, isolate the target, make them destitute. The secondary goals seem to be to make the target homeless, jobless, give them a breakdown, and the primary goals seems to be to drive the target to suicide.

When my performance was brought into question, he’d ask me why I’d missed doing things, and I’d repeatedly describe it in the same way, I now know what it is: PTSD with disassociative episodes where the brain basically shuts down due to experiencing too much trauma. I reported feeling like I was in a chronic state of fight or flight; I described feeling like I could only focus for short periods of time before having invasive thoughts; I described seeing things with “blinders” on; I described feeling on edge, panicked and having difficulty concentrating. To say domestic abuse (which includes narcissistic abuse) is something to be taken lightly that should be referred to as a “personal issue that should not impact one’s work” is wishful thinking; and I wish that were the case, but it’s not supported by research.

Domestic violence and stalking can be so frightening, invasive, traumatic and paralyzing, that President Obama issued a 2012 memorandum to all federal agencies which explicitly addressed these two particular issues, requesting that all agencies device a formal plan to combat these problems:

Domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking have the potential to affect every Federal workplace across the United States.  It is the policy of the Federal Government to promote the health and safety of its employees by acting to prevent domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking within the workplace and by providing support and assistance to Federal employees whose working lives are affected by such violence. This Guidance for Agency-Specific Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, and Stalking Policies provides agencies with direction to enable them to fulfill the goals identified in the Presidential Memorandum on “Establishing Policies for Addressing Domestic Violence in the Federal Workforce,” which was issued on April 18, 2012.  As the nation’s largest employer, the Federal Government should act as a model in responding to the effects of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking in the workplace. Some agencies have already taken steps to address these issues. By building on these efforts, the Federal Government can further address the effects of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking on its workforce, promoting the health and safety of its employees and improving the quality of its service to the public. 

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive behavior, including acts or threatened acts, that are used by a perpetrator to gain power and control over a current or former spouse, family member, current or former intimate partner, current or former dating partner, or person with whom the perpetrator shares a child in common.  This behavior includes, but is not limited to, physical or sexual violence, emotional and/or psychological intimidation, verbal abuse, stalking, economic control, harassment, threats, physical intimidation, or injury.  Domestic violence can occur in any relationship, regardless of socio-economic status, education level, cultural background, age, gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, or religion.  Domestic violence can occur in heterosexual and same-sex intimate relationships, including marital, cohabiting, or dating relationships that are not dependent on the existence of a sexual relationship.

The Presidential Memorandum outlines agency roles and responsibilities for the development of agency-specific policies to address the effects of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking. 1) Pursuant to section 2(b), within 120 calendar days from the issuance of this Guidance, each agency shall develop or modify, as appropriate, agency-specific policies for addressing the effects of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking on its workforce, consistent with this Guidance.  Each agency shall submit for review and comment to the Director of the Office of Personnel Management (OPM) a draft or modified agency-specific policy. Agency-specific policies should address each of the main components outlined in section 3.0 of this Guidance.

Workplace Flexibilities Various types of workplace flexibilities are available to an employee when the employee and/or the employee’s family member(s) are victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking.  To the greatest extent possible, agencies should work in collaboration with the employee to provide leave and/or other workplace flexibilities to help the employee remain safe and maintain his or her work performance.  All possible leave options should be considered for an employee in this situation.  When the need for time off is foreseeable, an employee must provide reasonable advance notice to the agency.  An agency may choose to develop a policy that would allow an employee who is a victim and/or the employee’s family member(s), as discussed in this section, the opportunity to request leave or other paid time off through a third party, such as an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) Coordinator, if the employee does not feel comfortable speaking with a supervisor.  Although the supervisor is the only person who can approve the leave, the leave request may be made through the third party.   Employees are not required to provide personal details in their requests for leave.  However, employees are required to provide enough information in their leave requests so their supervisors know which type of leave is appropriate (e.g., sick leave, annual leave, Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), etc.). Supervisors should consider whether an employee is entitled to a certain type of leave (e.g., FMLA or sick leave) or whether an employee’s request for leave other than under the FMLA should be granted. Details on the administration of leave will be provided by the agency. An agency is not required to ask for verification or proof of domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking, but it may accept the employee’s credible statement as verification. 

Under no circumstances should the agency require the employee to contact law enforcement or otherwise report the violence as a condition for accessing leave.  To do so could place victims in greater danger.  Below is a list of available workplace flexibilities that should be incorporated into agency-specific policies for addressing domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking.   It is important to note that these options can be applied to situations in which the domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking  is currently taking place or to situations in which the trauma related to a past situation involving violence is causing a negative impact in the workplace.   

Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA).

An employee is entitled to up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave under FMLA if domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking results in a serious health condition for the employee that makes the employee unable to perform the essential functions of his or her position.  

Employees who are victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking may inadvertently react in a manner that results in disciplinary action.  For example, an employee may be charged with AWOL for absences arising from domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking.  In such cases, once the supervisor becomes aware of the domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking issues, the victimized employee should be referred to the resources within the agency for support and assistance.  In addition, the impact of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking should be taken into consideration as a mitigating factor in determining the appropriate discipline in cases involving the victim. Agencies should work to make sure that workplace policies do not re-victimize victims to the extent possible…

https://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/worklife/reference-materials/guidance-for-agency-specific-dvsas-policies.pdf

For some reason, my supervisor didn’t know how to implement leave when I first made him aware of domestic violence and stalking whereas now, reading the above, it should have been very obvious to him what he could do to help me deal with matters before they snowballed into my inability to perform my job duties. But he chose not to mention this. I can’t blame him for not understanding the impact of narcissistic abuse, it’s hard for me to even articulate; but to say it’s a “personal issue” that was “no excuse to impact your work” is a slap in the face given it has nearly destroyed me – and I didn’t consent to it. I loved my ex, I believed him (foolishly), I was transparent, I was forgiving – and he was dead set on using me for sex, narcissistic supply, and having me gang stalked as the ultimate narcissistic smear campaign – there’s no help available through law enforcement, there’s no lawyers willing to touch it, even the ACLU (after taking up one case) won’t attempt to. But I’m stuck being the victim of this and because others don’t understand it, doesn’t mean I have to be silent and let it murder me; in fact – the only choice I have is to be vocal about it.

Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. It is primarily inflicted by individuals who have either narcissistic personality disorder (NPD, which is characterized by a lack of empathy), or antisocial personality disorder (ASPD, also known as sociopaths or psychopaths), and is associated with the absence of a conscience. Many people who’ve experienced domestic violence will tell you that the emotional and psychological abuse that is characteristic of narcissistic abuse is more painful and lingering than the pain of physical abuse. As a practicing psychotherapist, I know all too well that it’s much harder and takes a lot longer to heal a broken spirit than it is to heal a black eye. It’s challenging enough to try to describe what narcissistic abuse is, but even more challenging to try to spark the concern of people who haven’t experienced it. Some may feel they are too smart or too strong for it to ever happen to them, or impact their life in any way.

A commonly held misconception is that only weak-minded, fragile, co-dependent types are vulnerable to being abused. Sadly, this stereotype only intensifies the danger of the current lack of public awareness, and provides a false sense of protection. The damage caused by narcissistic abuse is not limited to the individual victim. It bleeds into society, and impacts us all. Numerous studies caution us about the correlation between psychological and emotional stress, and its relationship to increased risk of illness and disease. The chronic stress of narcissistic abuse gradually wears our bodies down over time. The prolonged activation of the body’s stress response systems can take its toll, and wreak havoc on our physiology, and overall well-being.  Some of the common illnesses associated with the chronic stress of narcissistic abuse include but are not limited to: heart attack, adrenal fatigue, weight gain or loss, hair loss, insomnia, anxiety, depression, thoughts of suicide, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) autoimmune disorders, digestive problems, asthma, migraines, epilepsy, cancer, arthritis, slower wound healing, Type 2 Diabetes, high cholesterol, IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), and increased dependency on alcohol, or other substances. Consequently, many victims wind up missing work due to illness, or are laid off from their jobs because of excessive absences or poor work performance.

At work, at home, my mind became consumed with replaying the events that had happened; my mind wouldn’t stop racing, it couldn’t stop searching for answers, I always felt on edge; I haven’t had a single day of peace since last June, 2017. My work was impacted; I’ll admit my mind was all over the place, I’d have flashbacks, I’d feel like the room around me was becoming dark. I needed to find help, and it wasn’t easy: there were mental health problems, there was legal problems that I could never seem to find adequate help for (break-ins, stolen phones, and a slew of phone-related and cyber stalking issues that nobody was willing to deal with. Eventually I was placed on written reprimand for my worsening performance; I felt like what I was experiencing wasn’t understood by my manager so I reached out to the HR representative, thinking she might be more receptive in understanding that this form of abuse and the associated stalking were things that can derail someone at work; reprimanding me wasn’t going to benefit the situation, letting me use leave to and get care would. I have worked for the federal government for 14 years and I have taken next to no vacations even during my tenure.

work2

When I reached her by phone, I mentioned I had been in a domestically abusive relationship with a narcissist and what was apparent is that she already knew my story, and immediately shot back at me:

Your personal life needs to be kept separate from work.

That’s all she said to me. Then she hung up; there was no caring, no concern, no advice. Just – deal with your domestic abuse as a “personal issue” that shouldn’t impact your overall ability to function in everything – which is what research repeatedly has shown it does. What was going on here? Why was everyone against me? I realize I didn’t have great performance – but the fact that nobody was willing to even hear me out came off as if they were almost planning something against me, as if they’d all gotten together and said:

Let’s all be consistent here. It’s referred to as a ‘personal issue’ and that alone. We leave it at that, and him repeatedly hearing the words ‘personal issue’ will also serve as a desensitizing trigger – so it will make him react even crazier the most its said.

I realize that may seem like a long shot – but now given what I know about organized stalking and how it works, plus knowing that the DEA was communicating with my supervisor unbeknown to me, my side of the story never being shared – makes me believe they were in on this. I know that sounds crazy – but read on and look at the events that happened next. Because with all that’s gone on, I don’t think there’s any other excuse that can be made here.

The employee assistance program counselor was wonderful, but even she didn’t believe my suspicions about Brandon and the stalking; again – I can’t blame her or anyone, if it hadn’t happened to me, I wouldn’t believe it either. But it’s the honest truth; and if it was not – then I’d be dealing with mental illness to believe this if it weren’t the case, so either way, discriminating against ad punishing me is not legal.

Eventually it was my second Private investigator that November that came back confirming what I had assumed to be the truth:

jb

This was my abusive boyfriend of 2 years – and he’d been able to lie to me the entire time and nobody said a thing. The officers he worked with seemed to know everything yet nobody stepped in, not even when I was suicidal? When I called them, they taunted me about feeling suicidal – what the hell is wrong with people in this world? Why do people enjoy torturing others for sport? That’s how this all came off to be honest, and the more I present, the more you’ll likely agree.

It was December 20 that I decided to call Arlington Co Police Department and ask them to investigate matters with Brandon. I spoke to someone there about my concerns regarding an undercover cop or informant using his professional connections and technology to target me, but I had to go mid-way through the conversation due to work, and asked if I could call them back. A short while later, I received another call from a Lieutenant there who wanted to speak with me. I told her I’d call her back; I asked my supervisor if I could leave a bit early, I’d finished my work, and I was excited that finally police seemed to be willing to speak with me about matters. The next day my supervisor came in on his day off and wasn’t happy for me – he put me on a Performance Improvement Plan instead. He said that the purpose was for me to succeed, that’s why he did it, although it made no sense why he’d done this on his day off right before Christmas, and also when I was amidst having a nervous breakdown. That doesn’t seem like the time for someone to succeed – it seems more like the time for someone to fail honestly.

After he did this, I received a notification on my phone on Grindr; I wasn’t even logged on. I opened the app and looked: the following profile had “tapped” me.

jobs

All I want for Christmas is a job.

This seemed very random, but the more I thought about it, it was disturbing as hell. I then began to notice my personal email box became filled with job vacancy emails, too. This wasn’t a coincidence, I hadn’t subscribed to these job emails.

Several weeks later, the amount of cyber stalking evidence was piling up; it was after I googled the terms “narcissist, fake profiles and stalking” that up came article after article on organized stalking. I had bee speaking with a cyber attorney, as well. After reading about how organized stalking is intended to drive someone crazy and get them fired, I reached out to HR asking if I could meet with her and share my information; I thought then she’d realized I truly needed outside help, and that my failure on the job was directly caused by this. She didn’t say much but then sent out a calendar invite to my supervisor and to 2 union members. I quickly sent her the below, as the point of the meeting was for me to have an opportunity to discuss the seriousness of matters with her.  And by not replying first and scheduling the meeting, that left me with no time to prepare.

work3

Only she completely ignored my message. She did, however, recognize a message that came from the union, and rescheduled my meeting to suit their needs but not mine:

work4

I felt like the world was against me; I’d requested this meeting to fend for my life, to try and prove that something as ridiculous as organized stalking was taking place and had set out to destroy me. But she ignored me. The meeting was scheduled for that upcoming Monday but due to the Federal Government being shut down, the meeting was canceled altogether. The following day, Tuesday, I was walking into work around 9:50 when Craig called my cell phone:

Where are you? You’re gonna be late to your meeting. It’s been on your calendar since the day before.

It was snowing out, I was feeling crappy, and now I was feeling like I had a panic attack. I had never seen any calendar invite for a meeting today – plus I had nothing prepared on me to share with them. This was a disaster…

I showed up at the meeting, and they went around tearing me down in every way possible. Craig made a comment about me believing I was being stalked in the way Edward Snowden mentioned, laughing it off. Despite this being an 8 week performance evaluation plan, at only half way through I was told I’d already failed; I was told that it was in my best interest to go ahead and resign as being fired by the government looks so terrible, that nobody would hire me after that. So far – the things they’d cited as being in my best interest never seemed to be in my best interest; so far the fact that I was being denied my voice, that nobody would even listen to what i had to say, seemed like they were on a mission to terminate me regardless. This seemed to mirror what I’d read about organized stalking so well – and to resign seemed like I was giving in to a horrible smear campaign based on lies behind my back, having numerous instances that were set up to see me fail, and I didn’t think that was fair. Plus if I resigned – would I be blacklisted like the articles all said? This was a concern to me. Then when I went back to my desk I noticed an email HR sent that morning, prior to my required arrival time to work:

work5

There was nothing on my calendar from the day before; she’d sent that out along with the above email that very morning. They went on to hold this meeting without me having had the chance to reply; this was wrong. I spoke with Craig about this, and he said that in his text the day before, he’d mentioned the meeting being this day instead. I’ll acknowledge he said it might be the next day although at the time I was walking into work in the snow and wind, and didn’t see it. But regardless – there was NO EMAIL sent that day or any calendar invite reflecting the meeting to be held that Tuesday instead. There was nothing – only what she sent that morning. Craig even told me she and the HR intern with her had commented on my attire, saying:

Usually when someone’s on a PIP, they pull out their Sunday best. But you looked quite the opposite today, Alex.

I’d not been sleeping, it was freezing out with snow, my entire life was being destroyed before my eyes and I was helpless.  I didn’t expect the meeting, I’d dressed to accommodate the weather, and I felt that comments was rude. Craig again stressed how it was in my best interest to go ahead and resign – but I felt this wasn’t fair at all. I hadn’t even gotten to speak or share my story. Craig would later tell me things like:

Do you think this is fun for me? It’s not. In my 3 years here I’ve never had to put so much work into someone like you.

It was like he wanted to belittle me and make me feel as small as possible. This made no sense to me at all.

The EAP counselor was very upset; she called Craig directly and told him I needed to be granted leave to deal with these serious matters. Craig called me and said he didn’t want to grant me leave without a plan in place – that he didn’t want me laying around my condo. I didn’t realize I needed to share with him any personal plans; I found the remark about lying around my condo to be insensitive. I also found it to be rather disturbing given another “friend” of mine who was an informant and was aware of what they were doing to me had just said the same thing:

You need to stop lying around your condo all the time.

I could easily be connecting dots here, but the words were just so similar it made me fear that someone – honestly – had been spying on me at home, because how my boss would have known I’d been depressed and lying around at home a lot was beyond me.

I later brought this up in an email and Craig’s response to that is below:

work6

In the above my supervisor says he didn’t feel it was in my best interest to lie around at home, ruminating on my fears of being stalked and spied upon. Only he thought it was in my best interest to have me terminated – how does that make sense? How is that in my best interest? He seemed to be pulling a Brandon move: his response suggested he cared about me AND made me look totally crazy at the same time. I can at least laugh at this despite it being horrible – but I can laugh. Nobody else can seem to cut me any slack and I feel like I’m cutting everyone slack, when I’m being screwed over in a vicious smear campaign being waged against me by my abusive ex, a narcissist.

Ultimately in February, when meeting with my supervisor, he again cited all the things he’d done to help me out, asking:

What else could I have done to help you?

I told him if I’d been granted leave 9 months prior to deal with these matters, it would have never risen to this level of poor performance. He suggested I speak with a doctor and ultimately I was granted FMLA. I came back to work and he commented on how well I appeared, saying I looked like a new man; he said he wanted to meet with me at 1:30PM. I’d been so nervous returning to work, I haven’t honestly had one single day of peace since last June; I knew I’d already been told I was being formally terminated but I’d hoped that they’d consider giving me a chance to show I could do this job now that I’d had time off, I was receiving regular therapy for PTSD; only at 1:30 he said he’d long requested my termination packet to arrive and told me it was in my best interest to resign. He also told me how horribly I’d left things for my co-workers to clean up. I’d been the one prior to me using FMLA that told Craig I needed time to get things ready to hand off – he was angry, saying I needed to hand over the FMLA paperwork immediately. I did and was told I needed to finish up and go home and stay on leave going forward. Craig even sent me an email specifically stating I was not to touch my computer while on FMLA or face punishment as a result. There was no winning with anyone here. Again, he told me it was in my best interest to resign; only everything he’d shown me so far was that he wasn’t acting in my best interests at all. So I went back and sat at my desk for the next 6 weeks – all when I could have been proving myself – but instead all my work was taken away from me and I had nothing to do.

In regards to my pending termination, I sent Ariane an email, asking about the timeline, asking at what point I could still just resign and have it not be reflected on my SF-50; I also cited the the Obama memorandum about domestic violence and stalking, asking if the FDA had a formal policy on dealing with employees that were victims of domestic violence and stalking. She ignored me. I sent that email a second time; she just ignored me altogether again.

work7

agot9agot10

agot12agot13

No response was given except Craig stating he felt it was in my best interest for me not to be lying around my condo in fear; but he fails to say he thought it was best that I lose my health insurance and job amidst enduring this organized stalking nightmare.work8I tried asking about the timeline for my removal, but I got nothing concrete back; finally my official letter arrived on June 6. I thought I’d still have the time to resign and not have it impact my SF-50 but clearly I was wrong. I spoke with the union – they said they’d speak to HR. HR told me it was outside of her control, my supervisor said it was outside of his; the union said my supervisor is dead set on getting me out and having me removed with the worst record possible. They said that there was nothing they could do.

On 6/13, I asked my supervisor if someone outside the FDA had contacted him regarding me; he said no, although when I showed him a text I’d recently gotten from a DEA Agent, he looked closely at it in my phone. I mentioned how it was odd that the day after I called the police on December 20, he’d come in and put me on the PIP, mentioning it seemed like there was some association between my issues with Brandon and my job, to which he replied:

Alex, you’re being terminated due to your work performance. I’d long been in the words prior to that day with HR and attorney to have you removed.

I appreciate him finally being honest: but basically his admission revealed that everything else he’d told me was a lie. He didn’t put me on the PIP to see me succeed he’d claimed; he didn’t deny my requests for leave because he was concerned for my mental health, laying around my condo all week ruminating on being stalked. He denied my requests for leave because he wanted me out and I believe he’s playing a role in this organized stalking nightmare to be honest; I don’t see how he could not be playing one based on all that’s happened and based on what I’ve since found out. He did not have my best interests in mind: the man wanted me terminated and went on to block all my requests to use leave until after he’d secured my termination. I don’t know what he had against me – I’m not sure if he’s homophobic and when I told him my ex-boyfriend was a narcissist and was stalking me, if that set him off; I can’t prove anything about his feelings towards me. But my gut instinct says – at least based on the organized stalking articles I’ve read claiming that it’s behind everything, including your job – that this job was actually a set up from the start, that’s why my “packet” disappeared after initially being offered the job, that’s why my initial requests for help went unanswered, that’s why I was placed on the PIP the day after reaching out to police – that’s how this all appears, and that’s not me connecting dots that don’t exist – that’s me looking at things logically within the context or organized stalking. All I can prove is that he repeatedly denied me leave when he should have known immediately, like he did in the end, how to implement FMLA; he’s repeatedly singled me out and treated me poorly, he’s repeatedly set me up to fail in numerous instances, and I didn’t have a chance at succeeding the PIP or anything – I had no chance of speaking and sharing my story at the meeting with HR – I had no chance at anything it seems. He’s repeatedly lied to me, he’s likely lied to others, and when he told me he’d never spoken to anyone outside the FDA – which HR also said was totally against their policies – only I soon found out she was lying when she said that, as well.

After reaching out to the DOJ and police repeatedly without even a response, I get a random text from Kendrah who supposedly is a DEA agent just recently. Note in the above as soon as I mention Brandon’s narcissistic smear campaign against me – she immediately cuts me off, saying not to put that in writing. Strange…

I met with Kendrah and another gentleman who pounced on me, inferring that I had a drug problem and that what I was experiencing in believing I was being gang stalked was all a delusion in my mind. Strange…. I’m not sure why they think I have a drug problem given I’ve never met them before; outside of the narcissist, nobody’s even been in my life for the last year. They also asked me to stop reaching out to other agencies about this issue with Brandon – I found that odd; if this wasn’t related to Brandon waging a smear campaign on me via organized stalking – why would they care? Wouldn’t it just make me appear all the more delusional if what I said carried no weight? Wouldn’t they want me to appear that way in front of others? They were insistent on repeatedly saying I’m delusional and have some drug problem – but they’re not being truthful with anything. I’d wager the only one being truthful with anyone is me. I mentioned how Brandon hacking into my phone and the stalking I “perceived” had caused me to lose my mind and my job and to my surprise, Kendrah shot back:

Your performance is why you’re being terminated. I’ve been speaking with your boss; he’s a very kind and sympathetic man. And uour performance there is poor. Plus I think you’re doing drugs – as as a federal employee, I don’t think you should work there. I told him you did drugs.

Funny that I have no clue what led her to that, other than my ex is a narcissist that repeatedly tried pushing drugs on me, but I declined. If a narcissist is the provider of misinformation on my character – then right there says a lot. Moreover, why did my performance get thrown off so terribly? Didn’t it all coincide strangely with the return of narcissist Brandon into my life? Didn’t my life take a major nose dive right after discovering Brandon hacking into my phone, and blaming it on the DEA Task Force? So while I won’t deny my performance was not stellar and worsened – that seems to have been the plan. I’ve never heard of the DEA calling someone who’s not even a criminal to ask that they be fired. This is beyond weird – and rather telling in regards to my “delusion” of organized stalking.

But what hurt me more than anything – was here I’d been begging my supervisor to tell me if someone outside of the FDA had contacted him, because this seemed to mirror organized stalking to a tee. Yet he and HR acted like I was crazy to suggest that. Only come to find out – I was correct.

If others wants to say my performance was poor, look at what I’ve been up against. The fact that I’m the first person out there who has been gang stalked and actually can identify the perpetrators, and is acting with all his life to put it to an end real-time – that is a testament to my strength and performance. Yes, my performance at work was derailed by me performing to save my life – that’s what this is. It’s a battle for my life and nobody wants to recognize it; saying it’s a “personal issue” is a slap in the face. Saying it should not impact my work is delusional. Look at how attorneys and investigators respond to my dilemma, it’s not something they suggest is a breeze, in fact they equate it to having a stroke – so to suggest I didn’t deal with “personal matters” properly an attempt to deny playing any role in this nightmare.

ni

My voice, my side of the story was never heard; I was never offered to take a drug test. Instead what was supported and believed were the words of Kendrah – who went on to say she wants to help me with treatment, and insisted I come to an FDA doctor to be assessed. Only I think not – so far she’s done nothing to help me. She told my boss a series of lies to get me fired all the while denying the truth: they supported my ex-boyfriend, a narcissist, in waging a vicious smear campaign against me using organized stalking. So now I’m set to lose my job, my health insurance, and my everything; and it’s all been based on lies, gossip and people I don’t know speaking out about me. How is this fair? How is this legal? It seems to be neither. It seems to be organized stalking:

Organized Gang Stalking involves groups of people, or, loosely organized, who people pick a target, and attempt to destroy the victims life in any way that they can. They attempt to scare and terrorise their target, causing anxiety and other problems. They will do whatever they can to get the target fired from their job.

na87

All three songs composed and performed by me.

oz-the-great-and-powerful-flying-baboon-standup-1