NSFW!!!

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If you’re wise, faint of heart, or easily offended, this bizarre moment that took place in my mind, and managed to transpose itself onto this blog should be avoided. You’ve been warned; don’t scroll down.

Finding out I had HIV – left me passed out on the ground. As if the entire relationship wasn’t bad enough, things had gotten all the worse and nonsensical. Nothing made any sense at all; there was no God, there was no sense of justice in the universe. I wasn’t perfect, but I treated my boyfriend well, I did all I could for him, I (foolishly) tolerated his abuse and forgave him. This was beginning to mirror the film Antichrist all the more, a film where nothing makes any sense, you keep watching convinced there must be some light at the end of the tunnel, or some meaning to the madness. Only there’s not – it ends suddenly with the final “clip” – no pun intended – involving genital mutilation. My my genital weren’t literally mutilated by this ordeal – figuratively they were. At least at the time, mentally, this killed me sexually; it wounded me, leaving me to believe I was not lovable, I would never be sexual again, and I’d been left with the never-ending deal-breaker. It was beyond fucked up – and there was nothing I could do about it. Where I lived in Washington, DC, disclosing your HIV status isn’t a requirement – he’d committed no crime, despite killing all my hope, my dreams and my forward thinking.

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Please blame Lars von Trier for this filth, not me!

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Turn off the above music player when watching the video below

Antichrist’s Infamous Prologue (Not Safe For Work)

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