Narcissists don’t play fair or by the rules. They are morally deficient and lack a conscience. For this reason you can never win a battle against a narcissist. There is no level that they will not stoop to in order to win. Your mind may be able to travel to hateful and horrible places, but your conscience will not allow you to pack your suitcase and follow suit.
Based on what Ben said about my phone and what he “might have accidentally” done for “those people,” I’m inclined to believe he hacked my phone with the plan of using Signal – the encrypted app whose messages disappear after being sent – to act on my behalf, to make it appear like I was doing something criminal so I’d find myself unexpectedly in trouble with his flying monkeys working for law enforcement once I’d gotten my “final discard.”
I assumed he’d lost it with me for some reason and, in a frantic moment, decided to do something only a narcissist would do: set up the innocent person who just so happened to note his “false self” versus “true self” for jail time. As I examined the evidence as it piled up, I came to realize Ben never made any decisions frantically; everything he did was methodical, well thought-out and executed flawlessly, never giving anything away because he was so skilled at donning his masks to throw me off.
It was several months prior that Ben stayed one night and I woke up to see the following message flashing on my smart phone screen:
SD Card Removed.
My phone didn’t come with an SD card I found out; per T-Mobile, in order to have received that message, I’d either have inserted an SD card to use myself, or someone else did, and removing it resulted in the message being displayed. They stressed that the message wouldn’t appear for no reason, it appeared only when an SD card was removed, which triggered something internally. Why would someone insert and then remove an SD card from my phone? Turns out it’s a common ways to spy on someone’s phone, as the SD card tracks everything done on the device. While together, Ben purchased an Android phone from T-Mobile that was identical to mine, which now seemed rather strange. Then Ben’s hack-job with the “cloned phone” seemed all the stranger, leading me to wonder if he hadn’t been planning something shady our entire relationship.
All I knew for certain was that Ben had deceived me, he hadn’t returned to my life for love or romance, not even for sex – he’d come back to get revenge for my use of the other “n-word” in round one, only he didn’t expect me to end up being such choice narcissistic supply, hence why he strung me along for close to two years (that and he had to complete whatever “project” he was doing inside my home). Like when he stayed the night on my birthday, staying up all night doing something mysterious in my closet only to use the excuse of looking for a better shirt to wear (for 8 hours).
It was shortly after round one’s explosive ending that “those people” contacted me for questioning. Right after there was the job transfer that completely fell through, with the agency saying they found no record of me in its system; odd given it was all submitted electronically and they offered me a job. Then Ben resurfaces a year later, and out of nowhere, the email arrives about the job transfer, addressing me like nothing had been lost for an entire year and all was going according to plan. Ben used it as his excuse to install a new docking station in my office and god knows what else. It was about a year into round 2 when Ben called, claiming “those people” had contacted him asking questions about me, only to receive their call several days later. Coincidence? I think now: that Ben, that rat face, he used that as a reason to discard me, too, claiming he’d been joking but because the joke came true he felt it necessary to keep his distance. I paid $8K for an attorney to go with me to meet with “those people,” yet I never found out what this had to do with.
Oh yes, they did say one thing, they said they had reason to suspect I’d engaged in criminal activity in Maryland. It never made any sense at all why they’d thought that, that is, up until I remembered that one time I’d gone into Maryland for that god-awful threesome I kept saying “no” to. That was when Ben physically dragged me out of bed for that bullshit “fantasy-flop” at his home, right across state lines, how more coincidental — and malicious. That damn three-way was followed by Ben discarding me days later. That little turd face: Ben dragged me out of bed, across state lines, and forced me to engage in a threesome I slept through most of all so he could fabricate a crime I’d never committed. And he’d made sure to make it as harsh a crime as possible, as an offense carries a heftier sentence if you travel across state lines to commit it.
What everything pointed to was that Ben trying to set me up all along to go to jail; but why? As juvenile as it sounds, according to the literature, me suggesting Ben was a narcissist at the end of round one would result in him going to any lengths to assassinate my character, portray me as a criminal, lie to police, and have me put in jail or destroyed in an even worse manner.
And what makes narcissists so dangerous is that if you discover that they are a narcissist or even expose them as one they go in for the kill. They are not above lying to judges or police officers to ruin your life. Their perfect appearance must be preserved at all costs. They will convince the authorities that you are a danger to yourself and to others. The goal is to have you eliminated. And most times they succeed.
My entire relationship with BEn was him getting me back for noting his narcissistic nuances, which I know seems retarded – but after all, just look at how retarded narcissism is. It’s the stupidest, most juvenile, most irritatingly impossible to deal with condition in the universe. Narcissists are so afraid that their perfect image might get tarnished by those that know the truth about them that they do anything and everything to flip the script, making the victim appear as not credible and crazy as possible; that’s the bread and butter of this tremendously stupid disorder where everyone except the narcissist is disordered, at least according to the narcissist. Another guy Ben was having sex with was recently arrested by “those people” come to find out; and a few years before, so was Ben’s current boyfriend. It seemed like everyone Ben was “friends” with had some sort of involvement with “those people,” except for Ben and, of course, me. It was odd: everyone he was associated with had a run-in with “those people” but Ben seemed to have indefinite immunity and he behaved worst than any person I’d ever met.
Later on, Ben would deny, gaslight and re-write the history of what took place regarding those people and the cloned phone incident despite the conversation being recorded. Nothing could make Ben face reality, nothing at all. At first he claimed the cloned phone was his attempt to scare me out of his life. Lovely, Ben intentionally (and knowingly) inflicting emotional distress by hacking into my phone and invoking the DEA, which he initially claimed he’d done to frighten me out of his life for good. It frightened me all right, right into developing PTSD and not being able to do my job because I became paralyzed with fear as the most bizarre events started happening. Then he re-wrote his re-written history, changing this into a joke he claimed he’d made, just a joke, hahaha! That little turd face, that little fuck face, our entire 2 year relationship was nothing but a smear campaign!
Joke my ass…
Ben’s joke was so funny he left me to rot and I spent the entire summer feeling like I was being hunted by some invisible force. Then there was his bogus-assed excuse for why he’d done it: he claimed I forced him to remain in my life when he didn’t want to. So Ben promised he wouldn’t discard me if I had sex with him and I failed to realize I couldn’t hold him accountable to that or to anything, but forcing him to stay in my life was a load of shit.
I couldn’t force Ben to do anything he didn’t want to do, I couldn’t force Ben to compromise an inch. It wasn’t possible for me to force Ben to stay. I couldn’t even force an apology out of him, and that was my only request to leave his life for good and give him everything he wanted. But I couldn’t even force him to apologize to me…
Ben wasn’t one who could be forced into doing anything for that matter, and if it appeared that I’d forced anything, it was merely a smoke screen for Ben not being able to discard me because it made him look like a narcissist. Perhaps Ben’s inability to end our relationship on a cordial note with me calling him out on discarding me — the one promise he swore he’d stick to — was why Ben forced himself to stay, blaming it on me.
But Ben was so averse to being associated with narcissism in any way that he’s the one who forced himself to stay all because he couldn’t end things on a cordial note, he could only end things by discarding, and therefore making his narcissistic nastiness become undeniable. So to prevent me from calling him out on discarding me, he thought it best to hack into my phone and lie to the DEA Task Force officers about me so I’d be arrested?!?! Then I’d be silenced from sharing his story — as if the world gives two shits about Ben being a narcissist, hell, we elected one for President, it’s not like narcissists lack fans or special rights and privileges, plus getting through life without a conscience sure makes life a lot easier I’d imagine.
By the time they get to the final discard phase, they’ve spent a considerable amount of time devaluing you behind your back, while pretending to still be in a relationship with you, to your face. And then they start to resent you, because you’re forcing them to be nice to your face, you’re forcing them to keep up this charade of a relationship, while the only people they can be “honest” around are the friends they’re devaluing you to, and your secret replacement. While this is building, they’re plotting to betray you in the worst way possible, to hurt you as much as possible, because that’s what you deserve, and that’s what will balance the scales, as far as they’re concerned. Because the time they had to spend in devaluation, the wearing of a mask around you so that you don’t catch on, these are all your fault, and the resentment that built up within them needs to be set right. And that’s only going to be set right by your emotional pain.
Ben hadn’t made a joke that day; Ben got caught red-handed and spilled the beans is what happened. He didn’t make a joke days before “those people” called me either – there’s no way such coincidences could take place. Ben and his magical thinking were re-writing history to make it what he wanted it to be, Ben was trying to gaslight me into doubting my own recollection of events, even if he was on the record saying otherwise. What I initially thought was the reason behind Ben doing all this was about to become less likely, and what would emerge was something so bizarre there’d be nobody out there to believe me, let alone support or assist me. If I thought my life had been hell thus far, I clearly didn’t know what hell even was.
Strange things began to happen, and every attempt I made to normalize my life was thwarted by someone, or some people, veiled in anonymity. It was maddening, it was frustrating, it was insanity-provoking, and soon confusion and fear consumed every inch of my being.
July 3, 2017
I was at home by myself. I’d logged online and for whatever reason, all these guys were hitting me up left and right, wanting to meet; this wasn’t typical for me online. I needed to move on from Ben and figured what better way than to start having sex with other guys so I could forget him once and for all. I invited one guy over, and we had a decent time. I fell asleep at some point that night, and when I woke up, my wallet was missing. I went back online and his profile was already deleted, big surprise there – but I could still see the message, and still see his phone number present in it. I looked it up online, it was registered to a Jason Smith, which was likely an alias given the cookie-cutter name. I texted him, and the response I got back seemed to be Ben with how he worded things, his use of hyperbole, the conversation styles was just like Ben. He denied taking my wallet and said I’d given him some hallucinogen drug for some odd reason (WTF?), I don’t know where that came from. But then he stopped replying to my texts and denied knowing anything about my wallet. Except that somehow my credit cards were being used to purchase things without my knowledge…
My phone worked fine first thing that morning, only after, when I tried calling my mom, I received a notice that I couldn’t make outgoing calls.
I tried calling T Mobile – and some other 800 chat line was what I got. What was going on here? I was able to call 911 but since it was the 4th of July, the police didn’t arrive for a good 8 hours. I discovered something else that was strange: my computer was frozen, web pages wouldn’t load, and nothing seemed to work at all. I managed to borrow a phone from a neighbor and when I reached T Mobile technical support, it turned out my calling had been restricted to “anytime always” numbers – numbers like the police, or technical support, or any numbers I designated to always have access to call. Only I hadn’t restricted anything, in fact, I’d never restricted anything using that feature, I had “anytime always” minutes simply because it enabled you to block numbers.
What was even stranger: the number for T Mobile technical support had been manually changed to some other 800 number! This was becoming more confusing by the moment. By the time police arrived, I could hardly articulate all that transpired, they looked at me like I was crazy. I was then on the phone until 4AM calling and cancelling credit cards, discovering Jason Smith had already wracked up close to a grande. As a result I slept through my alarm, arriving to work late, and was reprimanded. I tried explaining what happened as best I could and sounded crazy yet again, my supervisor looked at me like I was making up tall tales. I can’t blame him for thinking that, but… I was telling the truth. This was becoming all the more frustrating only this was nothing compared to the frustration I’d be feeling for months without relief, which was soon to arrive.
Days later, I went into T-Mobile to get a new phone and phone number. To ensure there was no cross-contamination of the old phone with the new one, I created a brand new email account on the new phone while in the store, and didn’t load any apps or accounts from my previous phone either. I’d been advised not to have any way of connecting my old phone with the new one, and that’s exactly what I did. Days later when I clicked on the sent box in the new gmail account – to my surprise – the email address listed was my old email, not the new. It was as if a facade had been placed over the old one, leaving me to believe I was sending messages from a new account… only the sent box showed I was still somehow using my old email address. How could this be? I traded the phone in, I still had issues; I went from Android to I phone, and things still seemed to linger from my phone in the past. I called technical support a dozen times, hoping someone could explain what was going on with Ben’s hidden contacts. One representative worked with me diligently for close to an hour, and when I gave him Ben’s numbers, he said – “I see what’s going on…”
FINALLY – some headway was being made!!!!! He said he needed to do more research, asking me to call the next evening at 5PM and asked for him. When I called, the representative answering refused to put me through to him; he gave a bunch of excuses, saying that rep couldn’t speak to me, and I found out nothing about what Ben had done to my phone after all.
Ben sent me the below screen shot via email one day: that’s actually a text message i sent him. Only that number -202-753-6235 – that wasn’t my number ever. What this appeared to be was a cloned version of my phone. In my text message he’d added a row of emojis, as if to mock me; this showed me that he somehow had the ability with this cloned phone to alter my messages. I decided to call the number – nobody answered. Several minutes later, I received a call from a woman who identified herself as a supervisor at T Mobile, saying I was somehow contacting T-Mobile and harassing them for answers about this stalking shit. I have no idea what she was even referring to, something about me calling the below number – which seemed to be a cloned version of my phone – was causing T-Mobile problems?
She slipped and said something: she said my phone was tapped. I had no clue why or how, but as long as it was a legal tap with a warrant linked to it, I had no problems with that. What I had a problem with was my boyfriend hacking into my phone, illegally monitoring me, and also being the one given liberty to take the law into his hands, as it appeared – he was my ex-boyfriend after all, that’s a rather large conflict of interest; then he’s a narcissist, too, which means he will only follow one law: the law that won’t get him fired.
The supervisor was really rude – she said not call T-Mobile back about the issue, that they’d contact me if they figured something out that was wrong. I canceled my service with T Mobile, only for some reason the account didn’t close – it still showed up online as being active, I’d look at the account activity and it reflected random calls still being made and received, despite it not being used by me. It was probably 2 weeks and several calls later, me demanding that everything related to my account me shut off, that my request was finally granted.
I decided to switch phone service and go with Sprint, setting up my new account online, and scheduling to pick up my new phone at noon. I was running late and called to reschedule for 3PM – only the rep said none of my information was showing up properly. She said she’d never seen something like this happen before, describing things as being on hold, and not knowing how to even cancel my request for service. Why the hell was my phone the problem phone yet again? Some 5 calls and 2 hours later, Sprint finally managed to cancel my request; all I could wonder was: was someone spying on me setting this up online, and did something so they could try and monitor my new phone? I didn’t know what to make of it, all I knew was it left a bad taste in my mouth so I decided to go with Verizon, only I went in person so nobody was aware of the move.
Shortly after the switch, I noticed something strange on my account: my alternate number listed a telephone number I didn’t add; Verizon had no idea how it got there, either.
When I looked these number up it belonged to a complete stranger.
When I’d first approached Ben about him hacking into my phone, I remember him saying,
They’ve been doing things to your phone long before this.
He later denied having said that of course. He’d also mentioned he had experience in cloning phones, which I read up on. The articles said that if you suspect your phone is cloned, your bills reflect calls to numbers you’ve never made. I began looking through my past phone bills only to discover that likely 80% of the calls and texts I’d never received; they’d never shown up on my phone either; they only showed under the phone’s usage section in my bills.
I stopped looking at these numbers as I’d gone back and year with T Mobile and felt nauseous discovering someone had possibly cloned or spied on my phone for all that time and I stopped looking further. I called several of the numbers that repeatedly showed up on the bills, I identified myself saying someone from this number had called my phone a lot only I’d never received the calls, and I wanted to know who they were. In each instance they refused to identify themselves. This was growing all the more bizarre…
I began receiving lots of harassing text messages from unknown numbers. It was clear what they were referencing by the content. The below I saved as a contact with Ben’s initials (BS), but don’t be confused into thinking this number belonged to him.
I had no way to know who they were coming from until I installed the app “Trap Call,” which is supposed to weed out spam callers. The app revealed that one unknown number was registered to none other than… Ben. When I questioned him about this, his response was denial:
It looks like someone is using my old number to send these, that’s strange.
Within days of installing “Trap Call,” suddenly Ben’s number had taken over the “main number” that’s supposed to determine which calls are real and which are spam. How in the hell was he pulling this shit off? Not even the apps developers could explain it, advising me to contact the police, who like always, did nothing at all.
How could someone who had been so kind, so loving, someone who paid me soooo much attention and had sex with me 2000+ times end up being so evil, so vindictive, and a total fake? He clearly had more power than Trump – but how was this even possible? Where did he get this kind of support to carry out the most technologically sophisticated, psy-ops-riddled, impossible-to-escape-from, depraved and mean-spirited smear campaign in the history of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
One night I was chatting with a guy online whose profile reflected someone who was responsible and reserved. It said he engaged in safe sex only, was HIV-negative, and drug-free, and he came off as being nice based on the conversation. Suddenly another profile contacted me, asking:
Did you actually read his profile?
I have no idea how this other profile was privy to what I was doing on adam4adam.com, but at that point, after what I’d been through including Brandon “gas-lighting me into uncharted waters” for 18 months as he described it, I shrugged it off as the norm – which I think illustrates the amount of gas lighting and mind games I’d been put through. The profile was suggesting that this was not my type of guy because he liked safe sex, didn’t do drugs, and seemed straight-laced – only that kind of guy is very much my type. But the profile seemed to view me as Ben behaved, as opposed to how I behaved. I can only assume Ben painted me out to his colleagues to be this awful, reckless person, in a typical “flipping of the script.” And here I thought Ben genuinely liked me deep-down, after all, he had sex with me 1,000 times and spent more time with me than any other guy in my entire romantic and dating history.
Clearly my assumption about Ben truly liking me deep-down was incorrect; then again I still hadn’t fully grasped the concept that narcissists don’t like anyone, nor do they have friends, they have “supply” – people that give them attention, people that they view as beneficial, people that they use until they’re drained before discarding them. Clearly my sexual awakening, the first “love” of my life, was nothing but one giant manipulation and joke for him and company.
Another night I was on Grindr and a profile started to chat with me:
What are you into? Oh – it’s you – I know what you’re into, never-mind…
How did this random stranger know anything about me? For these random profiles that I hadn’t seen before to say things like this, given I know very few guys in DC, suggests Brandon talked a great deal of “smack” about me. During the 2 years I spent with Ben, he isolated me from my other friends and my family; in the end, I didn’t have any friends. I missed every single holiday with my family, too, as Ben always dropped some giant bomb the night before. My family only lived an hour away, but he always discarded me or was giving me the silent treatment right at holidays time, which resulted in me not sleeping and feeling to drained to drive and see my family. I had stopped seeing everyone else during my “relationship” with Brandon, he was my primary “friend,” he was my primary sexual partner, he was the primary person I texted daily, he was the person I spent my free time with, and he had become my whole life. Now that he’d left me after hacking into my phone and saying it was for the DEA Task Force, as I’d become that “rotten branch” he wanted cut out from his perfect tree, I found myself lonely, depressed, and in a having a constant panic attack due to the gas lighting on steroids that surrounded my every move.
How these random profiles knew anything about me when my profile picture is a “headless torso” – thus unrecognizable – is not normal. The only thing I can deduce is that Ben majorly assassinated my character with whomever was working with him on the gay app gang stalking operation.
I also began to notice a lot of new profiles moving in nearby on Grindr; but these profiles had certain characteristics – like having a boyfriend, wanting unprotected sex, all wanting to parTy, and often wanting threesomes – it struck me as odd, like a “flipping of the script.” It seemed like someone wanted me to chat with these profiles, that way I looked like a liar, I looked like Ben was accurate in his portray of me. In the incident with the one profile asking if I’d actually read the other’s information, suggesting a straight-laced guy wouldn’t be my type, I ended up speaking out and saying Ben was the aggressor (with the boyfriend) in the relationship, I was honest in saying Ben was the only person I knew that partied, and I’d gotten angry at Ben when I put 2 and 2 together and concluded he’d dragged me out of bed for that threesome I never wanted to be part of and spun it into a crime.
Suddenly all these profiles had traits that, by talking with them, suggested I was more so the narcissist and not Ben. Who would want to paint me out to be someone I’m not? I can only think of one person: Benjamin. It became increasingly obvious that these profiles also hoped, that by getting me to engage in conversation with them, I’d appear to be someone involved in the drug scene.
The fake profiles became incessant in their attempts at baiting me into conversations about derogatory themes: drugs, paying for sex, lying about my HIV status, etc… As crazy as it sounds, it seemed like someone was trying to portray me as someone without a moral compass, like a technologically advanced “flipping of the script” through Grindr and other gay sites. And by conversing with these profiles, it supported the notion that:
- I loved drugs;
- I didn’t respect guys with boyfriends;
- I was sexually reckless;
- I was highly promiscuous;
- I was sexually aggressive;
- I enjoyed threesomes contrary to my claims about Ben forcing me out of bed for the threesome turned fabricated crime;
- I was a fan of escorts, hookers and paid for sex;
- I lied about myself and others, painting myself out to be Marry Poppins when I was more like Cruela DeVille.
- I was, overall, a “bad seed” as Ben would say, I was morally defunct, and I was not to be trusted.
This sounds juvenile but it’s what seemed to be taking place. And this wasn’t just one or two profiles… there were tons, it got to the point where it seemed like every profile on Grindr was part of this. So many guys had just moved in up the street, but within a few weeks tops, they all had moved away and disappeared. You can’t lease a place in DC and move out like that, which made the likelihood of these profiles being actual people seem improbable.
Ben paid me an unexpected visit at the end of August and got angry and broke my toilet, saying it was an accident. It cost me $600 to fix, and the repairman told me it had been broken as if I was about to have a drug raid. Odd, especially since I had no drugs to be raided, and Ben later said he was pretending he was a police officer, which was his excuse for breaking it. He never offered me a dime to fix it.
Later that summer, when I confronted Ben about the PI”s finding no history of him working at the company he’d always said, he denied it; I asked him to log into his account online and show me his direct deposit – that was an easy way to resolve this possible misunderstanding. Only he locked himself out of the account strangely, then dropped his pants to deflect the fact that he was not going to show me his bank account.
One late night, a rep on Verizon chat said she knew what was happening with these unknown calls– she got me all set up to have my private investigator request them only when I called back the kind woman who was helping me with this suddenly had the call dropped. When I called back I was told she wasn’t reachable anymore. This was getting more and more bizarre by the second; and finding an answer was becoming all the more impossible.
My subsequent calls to Verizon about this matter were met with denial. They said they had no idea what i was talking about, and transferred me from customer support to technical support to fraud to legal and back to customer support. Nobody knew what I was talking about despite me taking the screenshots above.
It seemed like every time I checked my google or yahoo mail activity, there was some login being prevented in a state I’d never gone to. WTF?!?! I hadn’t left DC let alone gone to GA or NY or TX where my account was being accessed by someone other than myself. Logging into my email, I suddenly noticed emails being flagged and highlighted – this was something I’d never done with my emails so… someone else must be doing it was all I could conclude.
Then I began to notice had all these strange processes, folders, queries being run, and 3 different users on my computer – there should have only been one, me, the administrator. I was prevented from accessing these new folders, my firewall was now controlled by someone that wasn’t me, so I had no ability to change the settings, the cost of having my computer assessed forensically was more than $5,000, which I didn’t have.
There was remote access software that I’d never installed on my computer out of the blue, like LogMeIn and Cyberlink. They, too, had folders associated with them only inside I’d always find nothing remaining, like the contents were deleted after someone accessed them.
One night I’d been emailing with Ben, and I noticed his emails were being deleted real-time, out of my inbox; when I looked at the entire conversation string, almost all his messages were gone with the exception of 2 that painted him in a good light. What was left was like 20 of my messages to his 2 – making it look like I was the aggressor, and this was me harassing him. I pulled the Ethernet cord out, cutting off my internet access, and Ben’s disappearing messages stopped. In another instance, I noticed a process occurring in my task manager using up all this memory, and it was an unfamiliar name; I ended the task, killing it. The next thing I knew – I no longer had any administrative rights, I couldn’t even bring up the task manager. And no – I didn’t kill some process that then killed the task manager lol – my administrative rights I believed were taken away because I’d killed whatever process that day. Whomever was behind this or supporting Ben acted like they owned me, like all my things were their property, like they had every right to do what they wanted to me, with me, and keep it all a secret. Then punish me for trying to find out what was even going on.
Plus if he was working with “those people,” chances are this was done in a way that left little to no way of linking this back to the perpetrator. I felt like a prisoner in my own home; Ben had taken away my privacy in an indefinite manner. He’d done things that would cost me a fortune trying to fix, and I’d never get any form of reimbursement, and all to regain my basic civil liberties.
One night online, I discovered a cyber-stalking agency in NC called the CCRA Agency. I called them by phone and they said they were interested in taking my case, asking me to email them all of my screenshots as evidence, along with a detailed timeline and any information I had. When I sent them the email 2 days later, the message was returned to me, it had been blocked. I’d sent them to an investigator’s personal email there, so thinking maybe I’d written it down incorrectly, I sent it instead . to their agency’s “email@example.com” generic email string. These bounced back, also. I tried sending them from new email accounts created on my personal laptop, my cell phone, and even my work computer – the messages were all returned.
This was so irritating. I’d spent hours writing these emails, and every single time I was hit back with the feeling of complete defeat, there was no way to save myself at all it seemed. I wanted to scream, it was beyond infuriating. By this point in time, my wheels were spinning so much that my entire head was spinning, too; I was doubting myself in everything, and I felt like no matter how hard I tried, someone was a step ahead of me – waiting to thwart my efforts to find the truth. It was as if someone had been listening that night when I contacted the CCRA agency and done this intentionally – and that someone made sure I couldn’t relay any information to the forensics firm, nor find anything out, either. My basic civil liberties were being trampled to death, they were being crushed – and any rights remaining were soon to be killed, as well.
Because of the costs entailed with forensics, I had an idea: since I’d experienced bounce back from my computer at work, why not submit the error code to our help desk, asking them if it was malicious or benign? I submitted a help desk ticket and days past without any response. I figured it was a basic, cut-and-dry assessment, that the IT folks would know immediately what the error meant. When I called to follow up, I was told it had been escalated to the highest levels at my work and they couldn’t provide me any additional information. Days and days past; finally a man who was in charge of IT Forensics and Threats reached out to me – even he couldn’t give me an answer, simply round-about discussion asking me more detailed information. He asked if he could take my computer to do a forensics analysis on it – I was surprised he wanted to do all that given he didn’t say the error was even hack-related. I give him my computer… and they kept it for a good 2 months. Ultimately he said they found nothing on my computer itself, and since the only error code I’d provided was from my personal gmail (not my workplace outlook email) despite being sent at work, he couldn’t investigate matters any further.
But he did acknowledge that the error appeared to suggest an intentional blocking of my email from arriving to the organization.
This whole thing seemed rather fishy that my work, especially if just over some error message from my email being blocked somewhere. To follow it up with that work-up over for several months over something that seemed so minor seemed out of place. I got the sense that it was bigger than they were letting on, but like everyone else, they wanted to ensure I was kept in the dark.
I’d been desperately awaiting some answer here regarding what happened, and I never got one. It further induced my feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Soon after, I stopped living life altogether, and began just getting by in survival mode. I could no longer focus at work, I could hardly get up in the morning, the quest to know what the hell was taking place in my life and to rectify my privacy and stop this from continuing was exhausting and impossible no matter what. Here I thought matters were bad, only I was clueless as to how worse matters were about to become.
July 19, 2017
I left for work with my throw-away phone charging on my bed; I distinctly remember a throw sheet I’d placed over the bed. When I returned home it was gone; there was no forced entry, so whomever entered and stole it had my dead bolt key which I guarded religiously. That reminded me of one night… Ben left with the dead bolt key; I noticed it gone and asked him if he had it, and he lashed out at me in anger. Only the next day I noticed it on his key chain and made a remark, Ben attributing it to accidentally picking it up (and accidentally ahem putting on his key ring).
I honestly never thought twice about that dead bolt key going missing overnight until the break-in incident. Never once did I consider Ben would make a copy of it – no way. Only when this phone was stolen, as I couldn’t think of any other way. I finally was able to look up the call log – I was at work already at the times calls were reflected on the log, I even got verification from my employer of the time I walked through the turn-style with my badge. The below calls and texts are reported in Central Time – those circled in red are Ben’s number. I didn’t contact Ben that morning, hell, I was at work, and since it was dead that morning, I remember leaving it at home to charge. For some reason my phone has a great deal of value to someone – why or for whom I don’t know. I called 911 and reported this as a break-in and theft; they were only willing to consider it a “missing phone.”
A few weeks later, giving me the biggest middle finger of all. He sent an image of a nude guy on my bed – wearing my harness, and that was hands down definitively my harness and my bed, and the same sheet was thrown as the day my phone was stolen – only I didn’t know who this guy was, and I hadn’t been with a white guy since 911. Ben said he found it in his boyfriend’s phone, who claimed he found it on Grindr. That seemed beyond fishy. Plus the guy in the photo looked like Ben’s boyfriend actually. But whomever was in that photo had clearly broken into my home, put on my harness, and had nude pictures of him taken to further harass and mock me. This was breaking and entering and theft, but nobody seemed to care. Drugs, tracking devices, spy-cams, who knows what, could have been planted in my condo when this occurred. Ben’s response was mocking, it was as if he had no care in the world that it made him look all the more guilty; he didn’t seem to care about it, as if he was above the law.
I became so upset I even texted all this to the agent Ben supposedly worked for – I never got a reply; it was as if he didn’t care, and I never heard a peep from Ben about it either. Clearly Ben had copied my key months back – and had people breaking in and doing god knows what – there was no other way. This couldn’t be happening, not after how kind I was to him, this was horribly unfair, and nobody – nobody – was willing to look into this matter. I texted the agent one other time using another throw-away phone, only to come home from work and find that phone completely dead. WTF?!?!?
Below are the preliminary results of some of the home laptop forensics I’ve had completed as of February 2018. Round 2 has commenced, as well as the forensics on my phone, and I’ll soon know what the 33,000 images and 3,000 videos deleted (I did’t think I had any to delete honestly) were, as well as why my computer was remotely accessed 198 times in a year. Plus there was rather advanced anti-forensics software installed on my computer.
I don’t know how I found the below documents, they somehow came out of my encrypted SIGNAL app one day. They unleashed pages and pages of code. One read CLONE at the top, and Ben’s number is the second “redacted” number in the code; only Ben didn’t even have the encrypted app signal on his phone, he refused to install it for some reason. Another was a txt file I converted to a PDF below. I asked Ben about this code and he flipped out as soon as I mentioned it – again suggesting he was guilty. If anyone can interpret this coding, I’d be forever grateful. My emails to the vendor had not been addressed fully; they came back and said it appeared I hadn’t downloaded SIGNAL from the app store, which I had, and they refused to further comment. The two documents can be accessed by clicking each image below:
1. First coded document click below
The above says “clone” and clicking on the zip file opens up pages and pages of strange code; Ben’s number is the second redacted number.
2. Second coded document click below
Then something far more invasive and jaw-dropping took place. I’d gone out on a date with a guy named David I’d met from adam4adam. We’d always communicated through the app, and we enjoyed a nice date (or so I thought).
One day he asked for my number and we texted; when he failed to text back at one point I decided to give a call. I almost had a seizure when I received the same voicemail greeting linked to the one number in Ben’s “cloned phone,” the one I swore belonged to “those people.” Why the hell would anyone be sending me more fake boyfriends, as if Ben hadn’t been enough?!?!?
Why was I being tracked and stalked like this? I hadn’t done anything that merrited this; and this wasn’t typical behavior – allowing people to harass others and set them up for God knows what using sex, fake boyfriends and gay hook-up apps.
More importantly, why the hell was my phone and its damn signal account so important? And why did Ben have an association with all this?
This was a total nightmare. This had turned into all-out, lawless, vigilante attacking me with no recourse in site. Total and complete pandemonium and chaos…
Only not nearly the level of pandemonium and chaos that was soon to arrive…
First song written by me.